Babies

Ruth and Mason talking about the new baby.

Ruth: do you know where the baby will come from?

Mason: your belly

Ruth: Nope it comes out of our hoony hana’s

Mason: What!!

Ruth: (Debbie laughing hysterically in background) yes, that is true

Mason: It will come out covered in poop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Swim, Baddie, Swim II, Jet Fighter Fighter, and Cleo

How can I write this post and do it justice.  I don’t think it will be possible, but I will start and see where I get.  This is a story about the depth of a little boys heart, the horrible realization of death, and the healing process.  It was very sad and a bit funny at the same time.  This is bitter sweet as I write this, but I want to remember. 

This morning Baddie and Swim, the fish from the fair, were swimming slowly, but appeared healthy in their warm fuzzies jar temporary home by the dishwasher.  The water was murky and smelly.  It was time to find them a more permanent location.  We decided that we would go, after pre-school, to Petco and outfit these fish with a new home, or homes at it turned out.  We were super excited.  The idea was to get them a new tank or jar, and allow Quincy to pick out one decoration and Mason to pick out one decoration for the tank.  Mason described what he wanted and spent the better half of the day detailing out the yellow layers rocks with caves for Baddie to swim in and out of.  When we got to Petco we took a different turn.  First Petco has miniature carts in it, so Mason and Quincy each had their own cart.  As we turned into the fish aisle we see there was a Little Mermaid tank.  With a pink light, and a purple base.  It had a statue of Ariel in it and was just beautiful.   So this set the course.  Quincy would have a tank in her room for swim, and Mason would have one in his room for Baddie.  Quincy picked out purple rocks and a pink plastic glow in the dark plant.  Mason picked out a tank with a potential divider for Betta fish (important later), black rocks, a sunken ship, a skeleton with a bottle of Rum, and a green glow in the dark plant.  This was setting up to be the finest fish tanks in Tampa.  Home we came after spending $145 as a gift from Aunt Debbie.  Quincy went to take a nap and Mason, Ruth, and I set out to outfit Baddies home.  We washed the rocks, rinsed out the tank, and filled everything up so nicely.  There was an air filter and a light.  It was very fine indeed.  We put special conditioner in the water and proceeded to take Baddie from the murky depths of the stale warm fuzzies jar and put him into his lovely new home.  It was so lovely in fact we decided to move both fish into the new home while we got Quincy’s ready.  Swim seemed ok, but Baddie seemed to be struggling in his new home.  He spent a lot of time on the bottom and wasn’t moving around a lot.  After a while though they both seemed ok.  Quincy woke up and we proceeded to outfit the princess tank.   Again we washed the rocks, the tank, the plants, and the statue of Ariel.  We let Quincy scoop the rocks into the tank and filled it with water.  A few drops of water conditioner and off we went.  We moved Swim from the manly pirate tank her lovely princess one. 

Now we move them into their new homes in Quincy and Mason’s room.  We are sitting in Mason’s room taking pictures of Mason admiring Baddie, who seems to be doing better,  and we hear a crash in Quincy’s room.  We rush in expecting to find Swim on the floor, but that is not the case.  Swim is in her tank still, and Quincy is sitting up by the tank admiring her.  Quincy had knocked off the flower vase next to Swim’s tank so no big deal.  All of a sudden I look at swim and notice that she is swimming on her side and not moving very much.  I said to Ruth “we have a situation here” and we both realize that Swim is about to die.  We rush the kids out of the room and go check on Baddie, he looks great and happy.  Ruth and I decide that I will go to Petco to replace Swim with Swim II.  So off I go. 

While I was gone Mason said to Quincy “I think Swim is dead”, but Ruth said “no just taking a rest”.  Indeed Swim was dead.  Most completely dead.  I get to Petco and explain to the man that Swim had passed.  He gladly helps me look for another goldfish of similar color and markings.  We find it and chat as he is bagging up Swim II.  He says that the can die from a change in water temperature, they can die from being in non-filtered water….and they only live 2-3 days without a filter.  He says that Swim may also just have been too traumatized.  So I pay $0.26 for Swim II and get home.

I sneak upstairs and remove dead Swim.  I flush him down the toilet.  I put Swim II in his bag, as instructed, in the tank and leave him there for 20 minutes to get adjusted to the water.  After 20 minutes I release Swim II to the tank and all is well in Quincy’s room.  I go to take a peak at Baddie in Mason’s room and can’t find him.  Then I see him motionless at the back of the tank in the glow in the dark plant.  I go downstairs and spell “B-A-D-D-I-E” to Ruth a few times.  She finally gets it and goes upstairs to confirm what I had feared.  Baddie has indeed passed. 

She gets her keys and heads to Petco to buy a replacement Baddie, which will be harder than a replacement Swim because Baddie has a tiny black tip on all of his fins.  I describe to Ruth the man who was helpful to me with Swim II.  Ruth calls on her way home and says that she couldn’t find our nice man.   She only found a crazy fish loving man who said that feeder goldfish were not pets, and that Petco doesn’t even feed them.  He said that Swim II would very likely die very soon and Ruth should not get a goldfish to replace Baddie, but get two Betta fish for the kids.  She also needed to get now Betta food and also live plants because they don’t like plastic plants.  So Ruth feeling angry and duped comes home with $36 of new fish.

Now it is clear we are going to need to tell Mason that Baddie is dead because there is no chance that the blue and purple Betta looks anything like Baddie the goldfish with black tipped fins.  So….Ruth comes in and sits Mason down and says “Mason, Baddie is dead….BUT we bought you this new wonderful Betta fish to replace him”.   I am in the kitchen stifling back laughter because this whole thing has been so comical.  I can hear Ruth trying to hold it back too….she wasn’t expecting Mason to mind much.  We had even considered telling him about Swim earlier so he could help keep Quincy away.

What comes next would take the heart of a mother and crush it.  The depth of feeling that our little Mason felt was completely and utterly heartbreaking.  Nothing could have prepared us for what came next.  Mason burst into tears.  He ran up the stairs to confirm that, indeed, Baddie was dead.  His heart was broken.  He said the blessing at dinner and asked Heavenly Father to reunite us with Baddie some day and to look after Baddie in heaven.  He searched his mind for any reason Baddie had died…did Aunt Deb feed him too much, did he get stuck in the plant.  He questioned all in this world about why and how and when and what happens next.  His heart was truly broken and ours broke right along with it.  Ruth took the chance to tell him about God’s love for him and everyone and how our bodies are only here on earth for a short while.  Mason started to cheer up and then asked Ruth if the Betta would live as long as he did, and Ruth had to say “no Mase, the new fish will die someday too and will not live as long as you”.    This broke his heart again.  He couldn’t eat dinner.  He went to his room and barricaded himself in to be with Baddie.  I can not express to you the sorrow in this home tonight.  We talked a lot about possible resting places for Baddie.  Mason wanted Baddie to be laid under his, Mason’s, climbing tree so he could go and lay next to Baddie.  The toilet was offered up as a potential way for Baddie to reach the ocean, but that was a no go.  Finally Jotham came home and held his little broken boy in his arms.  They decided to take Baddie to the alligator pond behind their house so Baddie could reach the ocean that way.  Somberly they went outside, climbed the fence, Ruth handed them Baddie in a glass over the fence.  Mason said a prayer for Baddie and let his friend go.  This was his first time to let a friend go and it didn’t come easy.

We then set task to getting everything cleaned up for the new Betta’s….to be named “Baddie” again and one pink one unnamed.  Since Swim II is not yet dead we installed the divider somewhat haphazardly into the pirate tank and put both Betta’s in there.  Mason and Jotham went to get ice cream to celebrate the life of Baddie.  For now all is ok…but tomorrow morning could be hard.  Swim II may not make it through the night…and who knows about the two Bettas.  Baddie Betta was renamed to Jet Fighter Fighter…or Jet Fire Fighter….Jet for show.  Ruth and I named Quincy’s Cleo.

Oh little boy…I love you so much.  I am sorry about the loss of Baddie and the little bit wiser and older you got today.  The depth of your feeling is so strong and staggering to me.  Please sleep easy.

xoxoxo

Sunday 7th

Sunday the 7th.  Jotham was off work!!  We went to church after getting up and ready.  Ruth is teaching the music in her ward for primary.  It is super cute to see her stretched like this.  I am proud of her even though she doesn’t like it too much.  I have to admit the song she had to teach was super long and boring….even though I heard it 1,000,000 times I can’t even remember it because it was that unremarkable.  So that makes her job tough.  Jotham took the kids home after Sacrament meeting.  Ruth and I stayed to teach the song.  Then we got a ride home with her friends who were lovely people.  I am glad that Ruth had met so many nice people here already.  The rest of the afternoon after lunch Ruth and I laid in bed with Quincy because it was so cold anywhere else.  We talked for a while under covers…eyes half shut…faces close.  Sister stuff.   Little Quincy in between us wiggling and laughing.  We finally got up and went to look for Alligators in Lettuce Lake Park.  We didn’t see any, but we tried hard.  I wished my boys, all three of them were with us, but it was nice.  It was also nice to only have to worry about Mason and Quincy falling in, and not Mason, Quincy, Sam, and Ian which would have been overwhelming.  We ended up in a traffic jam on the way home….for ages.  We listened to music and looked at pictures of people’s brains.  Finally ending up at McDonald’s because it was too late to cook.  I was rude to the man without cause.  That is the hazard of working at McDonald’s I suppose.  Fish still alive.

SaturdY 6th

Well the 6th went by pretty quickly although it wouldn’t to many people.  I was up at 5AM, out the door by 6AM….on a plane by 7:30AM and in chicago by noon.   I enjoyed myself in first class on the flight to Chicago and then to Tampa.  It was so nice to spend all this time just to myself.  Although I do miss my nuggets a lot.  When I landed in Tampa Ruth, Mason, and Quincy were there.  I was so happy to see them, and was dismayed at how cold Tampa was!!!  Freezing.  I guess no where beats Arizona for weather this time of year.   When I arrived in Florida we went to Ruth and Jotham’s house and then to the STATE FAIR.  I am too tired as usual to recount everything wonderful and magical that happened at the fair, but there are three important comments.  1. I missed my kids and Rabbit. 2. Mason and Quincy won goldfish. 3. Mason on the way home said “three places in the world I love to visit are: England, San Diego, and the county fair”.  Well that is about right and I agree 100% with Mason.  Many other wonderful times were had at the fair including a cow with hemorrhoids, the spinning ride Jotham and I went on together, a bucket of fries, baby goats, fireworks, the ferris wheel, the smell of fair food, caramel apples and more.  It was great.  What a good start to my vacation.  the fish will become important later.

What’s my hands doing mommy

Today, Friday 5 FEB.  Sam was in the car and “Sexy Chick” came on the radio.  He was dancing all around and moving his hands up and down.  He said “what’s my hands doing mommy”.  They were dancing.

Busy day today.  Been up since 4:30.  4:30!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Went to lunch at my friend Sharon’s restaurant.  It was yummy.  Ian and Sam were both good except Ian cried if I wasn’t holding him.  Strange people and all.   Sharon gave Ian a beany baby duck and he loves it.  He loves to say duck…and I love to hear it.  I can ask Ian to dance now and he will boogy all over the room.  It is the cutest thing I have ever seen.  He can shake that booty.

Tomorrow I go to Ruth’s.  I am leaving here at 6AM.  I can’t imagine a week without my men.  I am excited to have some time on my own and time with Ruth.  I can’t wait to see her house and the kids and especially her did I mention that.  Good because Ruth is the only one in the world who reads this. LOL.

Also plan not to work except a little bit on the plane.  Ahhhh….bliss.  I am going to read a book or two also…and work on my photo books…..and workout.   Ok really am I going to do all those things…probably not, but I am not going to mess up my losing weight, because things are starting to work for me now.

Traffic and Stress

Today is Feb 4th.  It was a very stressful day.  I started out at the gym and that was about as good as it got.  After I got home I cuddled my babies and then got ready for work.  That was the only time I saw them today.  Sad.  I drove to work and there was a big crash on I-10 that made national news.  It took me almost 2 hours to get to work.  I had to stop and pee on the way because I couldn’t make it without stopping.  It was bad.  I had customer meetings in the morning and was so stressed to get there in time.  I got home at 8PM.  Ate McDonald’s for dinner.  What a cheat.  1000 calories.  WOW.  That is the worst I have had for 3 weeks. 

Nanny Suzie took the boys to the zoo.  They had a blast.  She bungy corded their umbrella strollers together so she could push them around together.  I think that was sweet. 

Sam splashed in the bath so Nanny Suzie took him out.  He screamed at the top of his lunch and then stopped abruptly.  He said to Nanny Suzie that he hurt his ears.  He can tell me a bit about what happened in events.  Like last night he told me that when Daddy put Ian to bed Sam was left downstairs (except Sam said hupstairs).  Sam said: Daddy left my hupstairs when he put Ian to bed.  I cried and yelled for Daddy Daddy.  I did not want to stay by myself  hupstairs. 

Ian is getting his molars and is struggling with that little nugget.

Feb 3rd

Yesterday Leon and I came home from work early…I had to take Sam to the doctor and Leon was flying in so we were both home around 4PM.  We sent Nanny Suzie home early.  Today right at 4PM Sam said to Nanny Suzie “Are mommy and daddy coming home now”.  How does he know the time?  Lucky guess I guess.

Sam is also so funny because he says “I have to do Ian first” this means that whatever we are doing…getting dressed, loading into the car, getting dinner whatever he wants me to take care of Ian first.  At swimming he says to the teacher “I have to do Ian first” and then he says “I have to do Sophia next” which means that she needs to take Ian, then Sophia and then hopefully he won’t have to do anything.  I hear it all day “I have to do Ian first mommy”. 

Sam also bit Ian in the face today.  Nice.  Time out.  Enough said.

Feb 2nd

Sam put himself into time out today.  He hit Ian in the morning and then ran screaming and crying to time out without me saying a word.  He cried in the corner for a long time and stood with his face pushed completely into the corner.  I guess self punishment is ok with me.

I am still trying to get used to Ian running everywhere.  He is like this tiny pixie who roams around the house.  His belly is so big and cute.  He runs like a cheetah everywhere.  I always catch him in my peripheral vision and get surprised by this tiny person running around and around.  He really reminds me of a pixie.  He has that twinkle in his eye.

Feb 1st

On Monday the 1st we did nothing much.  I didn’t set my alarm because I figured since I didn’t have to go to work and Leon wasn’t home I would sleep in as long as the boys did.  I slept in until 7:30AM or something great like that.  Bliss.  We just pootled around.  We only went out to get “Sam’s coke” at Sonic and to see if the fire trucks were out.  They were not out they were sleeping in their garage which made Sam cry. 

Later we went to my gym to get my body measured. Carlos had a ton of toys for Sam and Ian to play with.  They were happy to see the gym and it was overall a positive experience. 

Sam and Ian talked to Nanbo.  Sam told her he had a cheese sandwich.  When he was getting ready for bed he said “Nanbo is coming to see me”.  I felt sad and said that she would like to, but she can’t so we will have to go see her sometime. 

In the afternoon we made a lot of bubbles outside.  Nanny came over to make dinner and watch the boys while I actually went to really workout.  Sam and Ian were good with Nanny.  When I got home Grandad, Richard, and Celia were at our house for dinner also (planned).  Sam and Ian were very loud and danced around when I walked in.  Even though I was only gone for an hour.  Their welcome made me feel full of happiness.

Bugs

Sam has given all of us a type of bug that we are.  This is our family in bugs:

Sam: beetle

Leon: praying mantis

Ian: rolypoly bug

Nanny: a spider

Me: a midge

Leon said “can’t mom be a butterfly or a lady bug” he just looked at Leon and said “no mommy is a midge”. 

Thanks Sam.